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Not a damn thing, apparently.

I feel stupid about having an addiction to Diet Coke. It sounds like an urban legend or conspiracy theory, like I should tour with Jenny McCarthy or something. I’m not the only one who’s noticed – the first rheumatologist I saw exclaimed, “I’ve seen ACTUAL ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOURS associated with Diet Coke!” I laughed. “Preaching to the choir, dude.” Yes, I called him ‘dude’.

It’s something peculiar to Coca-Cola products, too. If I have a Diet Pepsi, Diet Rite, Shasta Diet Coke, whatever … I’d still crave a Diet Coke. Coke Zero works. So it’s not the caffeine or the aspartame.

I’m pulling up memories of how I quit smoking. “Cold Turkey” never worked for me, I had to ease off. So, after two days of nothing, and waking up into another headache, I got some protein in my stomach, and went to McD’s for oatmeal & a Diet Coke. Headache averted … but the soda made me feel a little naseous. My brain doesn’t want to let go, but my body’s full on board. That will help; I remember when cigarettes started making me sick if I bummed one off of somebody. It doesn’t signal “it’ll be easy now”, but it’s a sign.

So, here I sit at the computer. I plan things I have to do. I make lists, bookmark links. I take a nap. I plan some more. I play Spider Solitare.

I’m not tired, or sick, or depressed, or angry. I just don’t give a shit.

I have a bunch of tasty recipe links opened in tabs. I can’t be assed to heat up soup, if it weren’t for sandwiches, I’d starve. And I wouldn’t care.

This too shall pass, I know. But it’s fucking annoying.

 

So, here goes

The best way to start writing is to just start writing. I used to blog a lot, and was apparently fairly amusing. I’ve lost a lot of myself in the past few years; surgery, illness, finding and losing the perfect love … and suddenly I’m looking around, trying to remember who I am, what I like to do, what I want to be when I grow up. Again.

This journal has the option to be private, but talking to myself has never done any good. I can lie to myself. I’m the Queen of DeNile. My friends, though, are more than happy to (nicely) call ‘bullshit’. Which is why they’re my friends. Well, and they’re fun & awesome & sweet & sometimes lifesavers.

I tried a new one that had email reminders. Felicia Day is using it … but while you could link to individual entries, there’s no way to link to your whole journal. I’ve set this up so I can actually email my post to WordPress and it will post it … not sure if that will help. Maybe I should keep the other one, and when I see the email, start composing a reply to this one.

I know, I have a LiveJournal. To me, that was a way to keep up with my family once they stopped emailing. Facebook has taken the place of that, although I still open LJ in the morning for the longer posts people still put there. Still, days will go by for my friends page with nothing there, or mostly links to things I’ve already seen on FB or in my RSS feed. Which I finally got around to setting up … and which has more web comics than news, lol.

I’m starting a new phase in my life, and stopping to write, and remember what I’m all about, should help. There may be links & pictures¬† crap as I get excited about various things as well. I’ve also got BIG PLANS in the works! Very nearly world dominations! Bwahahahaha!

Ahem.

Ok, I think that’s enough silliness for now.

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