Hi. Yeah. Never start a blog saying “I’m going on a diet” or something hard, because if you fail, you just never come back, rather than admit it to everyone.

I’ve been trying to fix superficial health issues, because it’s the only thing I can control right now. I can eat a healthy diet. When I can afford it, or talk the roommate into buying it, since he as pretty severe health issues as well.

My financial situation has not recovered as quickly as it usually does. Yes, my life has it’s tragic periods, everyone’s does, but then you pick yourself up and move on, right?

Of course, I know it’s the economy, and so many people are suffering. I’m lucky, because I have a friend who will let my son & I live in his house. But it is other things, too. I’m almost 50, with tons of experience in the clerical and customer service field. Which disqualifies me from entry-level jobs; how could I possibly be happy with a low-level job and pay? It’s assumed I’ll get bored and leave as soon as I find “something better”.

Listings for jobs that REQUIRE experience are getting really, really specific. You have to have years of experience in a narrow field, a BS or BA in a degree that didn’t exist when I was last in school, like “Administrative Assistant”. With my old student loans falling into default last month, I can’t even get grants to go back to school.

Because of my health, I can’t do warehouse work anymore, either. I can’t stand all day. I can lift boxes, but it wears me out, and I don’t last in jobs where it’s up to me to put away the paper order in the copy room. I can’t work evening or night shifts.

I am trying to sell my skills. I went back to doing tarot readings on a psychic phone line. I have an Etsy store with stuff for sale. I’m doing alterations for friends. I’ve run out of supplies to make things to sell, though, which is why I keep signing up with temp agencies.

I wasn’t doing too bad at the beginning of the year. I had a temp job at NAU that the dude at the agency told me could turn permanent. Well, it turns out that NAU *never* told the guy that – plus quite a few other things that she DID tell him that he apparently forgot. I had turned down a tax-season job at Jackson-Hewitt for that one, so I was pissed off.

I didn’t think that was a big deal, though. I had my tax return, so I could survive until the next temp job. That company had kept me pretty busy.

Then, my mom got ill. That doesn’t happen very often, and it was pretty damn serious. I told my sister “keep me posted”, ’til my brother said on FaceBook that he was scared. THAT doesn’t happen often either – at least admitting it out loud. I hadn’t seen my family in years (they all moved, one by one, up to Washington State), and I couldn’t risk not being there if my mom died. I hit the road, feeling that I had plenty for gas.

Which I would have, if I didn’t have to stop so much. Fibromyalgia includes chronic fatigue, which is exascerbated by emotional stress as well as physical. I was driving, getting texts from my mom & sister, keeping me up on “ok, surgery scheduled for tomorrow”, “ok, maybe she doesn’t need surgery”, “oh man, the pleurisy is around my heart as well as my lungs” – so I had to stop for the night three times on the way up, instead of just one.

You know what happens when your exhaustion gets extreme? You get stupid. Leaving your wallet in a rest stop in Oregon stupid. So, in order to just get there, let alone get home, I had to have my son use HIS bank card, using all the money that he had saved up to get a Nintendo 3DS. So, not only am I stressed about family and money, I now feel guilty about THAT. I figured I could pay him back when I got home; in my brain fog I wasn’t really aware of what I had spent, and I had spent nearly my entire tax return check.

Some good things did happen. My mom didn’t need surgery, and was sent home. Someone turned in my wallet, and the Oregon State Police mailed it back to my house – which was a different address than is on my driver’s license. My sister was in Phoenix last week for a friend’s graduation, and came by with a 3DS for Vincent that my family had chipped in to get for him. I still cry when I think about it – I’ll never be able to express what that meant to me.

So I try to be grateful. It’s hard, when you can do two temp jobs with Yelp, get an interview with them for that job, and STILL not get it. I’m thinking of quitting my dance classes because it’s too hard to scrape up the gas money to get there each week. I spend the days on my computer, logged into the tarot line so I can tell myself I’m “doing something”, then stare at the computer, not doing laundry, cleaning, or anything else, trying not to think about … stuff.

But I guess staying positive helps – right in the middle of the last paragraph, I get an email from AppleOne about a temp job that I had expressed interest in a few days ago, and never heard back about. The message was, “The client wants you to start on the 15th, are you still interested?” Unprofessionally, I replied “OH HOLY HECK, YES I AM!” It was Tara who emailed me, though, and I’ve been working with her clients quite a bit, so she knows me.

They must be a big client (it’s for Best Western), because the branch manager just called to make sure I could troubleshoot, and can work in multiple windows, research, and paste into spreadsheets. It’s for a month – but that will help a LOT! Ten days until I start – but the tarot line pays weekly, so I’ll make it, and now I’m not paralyzed with sadness. I may celebrate by ignoring the laundry for one more day, though…