Not a damn thing, apparently.

I feel stupid about having an addiction to Diet Coke. It sounds like an urban legend or conspiracy theory, like I should tour with Jenny McCarthy or something. I’m not the only one who’s noticed – the first rheumatologist I saw exclaimed, “I’ve seen ACTUAL ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOURS associated with Diet Coke!” I laughed. “Preaching to the choir, dude.” Yes, I called him ‘dude’.

It’s something peculiar to Coca-Cola products, too. If I have a Diet Pepsi, Diet Rite, Shasta Diet Coke, whatever … I’d still crave a Diet Coke. Coke Zero works. So it’s not the caffeine or the aspartame.

I’m pulling up memories of how I quit smoking. “Cold Turkey” never worked for me, I had to ease off. So, after two days of nothing, and waking up into another headache, I got some protein in my stomach, and went to McD’s for oatmeal & a Diet Coke. Headache averted … but the soda made me feel a little naseous. My brain doesn’t want to let go, but my body’s full on board. That will help; I remember when cigarettes started making me sick if I bummed one off of somebody. It doesn’t signal “it’ll be easy now”, but it’s a sign.

So, here I sit at the computer. I plan things I have to do. I make lists, bookmark links. I take a nap. I plan some more. I play Spider Solitare.

I’m not tired, or sick, or depressed, or angry. I just don’t give a shit.

I have a bunch of tasty recipe links opened in tabs. I can’t be assed to heat up soup, if it weren’t for sandwiches, I’d starve. And I wouldn’t care.

This too shall pass, I know. But it’s fucking annoying.